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Wind & Wings 3
Friday, August 9, 1996
© Copyright 1996 by NewHeavenNewEarth

"ANOTHER thought-provoking exploration
of the extraordinary times in which we live."




Love & Relationships


David Sunfellow

Quotes from the book, "Only Love is Real"
By Brian L. Weiss

Introduction by Robert Perry & David Sunfellow
A True Story by John Hutkin


Linda O'Keefe & Lance Botthof


Dottie Titus



"I have never interviewed anyone who had a near-death experience who told me that they came back to make more money or to spend more time at their jobs away from their families... Instead, they become convinced that they need to be more loving and kind... They seem to know that the love they create while living will be reflected and radiated back to them when they die."

---Melvin Morse, M.D., from his book, "Parting Visions"


"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have faith so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profiteth me nothing.... Love never faileth: But whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away."

---Paul: 1st Corinthians, Chapter 13



By David Sunfellow

So, you're looking to change the world -- or, on a less global scale, maybe just find a little personal happiness. Many people today believe the best way to change the planet -- and yourself -- is to promote global disarmament and peace initiatives, clean up the environment, champion alternative energy, advocate holistic health, save endangered plants and animals, protect the rainforests, open shelters for the homeless, start spiritual centers and communities, change your diet, get more exercise, simplify your lifestyle, say more prayers, use more affirmations, spend more time meditating, experiment with a few more crystals, pyramids and subliminal tapes, master the laws of manifestation, get beamed up by some friendly UFO...

Ah, so many choices, so little time, and they all sound so darn good. Which one are we going to chose?

Today, more than ever, there seem to be all kinds of causes, philosophies and products vying for our time, money and attention. Many, if not all, claim that they can solve all of our personal and global problems if we give them the nod. But will they? Can they?

My search has led me to three sobering conclusions: 1. All of our personal and collective problems arise out of problems within us; 2. Because all of our personal and collective problems arise out of problems within us, the only truly effective way to clean up our outer problems is to clean up the inner problems that are producing them; 3. The best way to identify, and clean up, our inner problems is in relationship with other human beings.

Many people -- and many spiritual paths -- agree with the first two conclusions. But number 3... well, most human beings still seem to be a little fuzzy on this one. Won't time in a cave, or selfless service to the world, or making a few adjustments to our thought process do the trick? Why do we need other human beings to clean up our act? Human beings are, after all, sooooo difficult to get along with.

As one Pathwork Lecture put it:

"...it is only in relationship to others that unresolved problems still existing within the individual psyche are affected and activated. Many individuals withdraw from interaction with others, so they can maintain the illusion that the problems arise from the other person because one feels disturbance only in his or her presence, and not when by oneself... But contact makes it difficult to maintain the illusion for any length of time that the inner self is faultless and harmonious... This is why relationships are simultaneously a fulfillment, a challenge, and a gauge to one's inner state. The friction that arises out of relating with others can be a sharp instrument of purification and self-recognition if one is inclined to use it." (Chapter 4: The Spiritual Significance of Relationship, Pg.44-45)

Using our relationships with one another to identify and overcome our weaknesses is, however, only one part of the reason why relationships are so important. The other part is fulfillment, joy, happiness. And while some would argue that we can reach great heights of inner joy and peace without other human beings, this does not appear to be the case -- at least for long. We are not created as solitary beings and cannot attain lasting peace and happiness on our own; our personal and collective happiness does not depend upon isolating ourselves from the rest of life but, instead, on learning to join with it.

Love and the importance of relationship has, of course, long been championed by humanity's greatest spokespeople. Jesus thought learning to love was so important, that love was practically all he talked about -- and demonstrated. Even Buddha, who is so often depicted in a meditative pose, placed "loving kindness" above meditation, religious experiences and nirvana. Granted, it has taken the rest of us a few thousand years to catch on, but, finally, a growing number of us seem to be "getting it." Before long, I think this new understanding is going to reach some kind of critical mass. As more and more of us begin to understand how important our relationships with one another are, we'll make one another the centerpieces of our lives: we'll learn to connect deeply, be patient and forgiving, really listen, accept responsibility for our own failings (instead of blaming each other for them), and, slowly but surely, be drawn into rapturous unions that reach ever-new heights of joy.

A growing number of counselors, teachers, human potential advocates and popular authors also believe relationships are incredibly powerful tools for personal and collective transformation. One of these contemporary forerunners is best-selling author Brian L. Weiss. Weiss, a well-known and widely-respected doctor and psychologist, sent shock waves through the professional world when he began healing his clients of illnesses that resisted all forms of conventional treatment by regressing them to past lives where the illness apparently originated. Weiss' newest book, "Only Love Is Real," goes even further. It veers off into the world of soulmates, and soulmate reunions which, according to Weiss, has even more potential for healing -- and, not surprisingly, seems to be a theme that is emerging more and more frequently.

When we really stop and think about it, there is probably nothing more basic to human nature than the desire to be loved -- and to give love -- even though we frequently forget, overlook, ignore and suppress this deep inner longing. If we are honest, don't we all long to be wrapped in the arms of someone we feel we can connect with on every level of our being? Can you imagine the power that would be unleashed if thousands, perhaps millions of human beings were in love with one another, deeply joined with others that loved them wholeheartedly and unconditionally? I can't think of any better trigger mechanism for a collective leap in consciousness, nor do I think there is any quicker, surer way for us to find the personal and global peace and happiness we all seek.

This is one reason why NHNE in general, and WIND & WINGS in particular, spends so much time exploring relationships: we think learning how to love one another is where the real hope for personal and planetary transformation lies...



Quotes from the book, "Only Love is Real"
By Brian L. Weiss, M.D.


Destiny dictates the meeting of soulmates. We WILL meet them. But what we decide to do after that meeting falls in the providence of choice or free will. A wrong choice or a missed chance can lead to incredible loneliness and suffering. A right choice, an opportunity realized, can bring us to profound bliss and happiness.


There is someone special for everyone. Often there are two or three or even four. They come from different generations. They travel across oceans of time and the depths of heavenly dimensions to be with you again. They come from the other side, from heaven. They look different, but your heart knows them. Your heart has held them in arms like yours in the moon-filled deserts of Egypt and the ancient plains of Mongolia. You have ridden together in the armies of forgotten warrior-generals, and you have lived together in the sand-covered caves of the Ancient Ones. You are bonded together throughout eternity, and you will never be alone.

Your head may interfere: "I do not know you." Your heart knows.

He takes your hand for the first time, and the memory of his touch transcends time and sends a jolt through every atom of your being. She looks into your eyes, and you see a soul companion across centuries. Your stomach turns upside down. Your arms are gooseflesh. Everything outside this moment loses its importance.

He may not recognize you, even though you have finally met again, even though you know him. You can feel the bond. You can see the potential, the future. But he does not. His fears, his intellect, his problems keep a veil over his heart's eyes. He does not let you help him sweep the veil aside. You mourn and grieve, and he moves on. Destiny can be so delicate.

When both recognize each other, no volcano could erupt with more passion. The energy released is tremendous.

Soul recognition may be immediate. A sudden feeling of familiarity, of knowing this new person at depths far beyond what the conscious mind could know. At depths usually reserved for the most intimate family members. Or even deeper than that. Intuitively knowing what to say, how they will react. A feeling of safety and a trust far greater than could be earned in only one day or one week or one month.

Soul recognition may be subtle and slow. A dawning of awareness as the veil is gently lifted. Not everyone is ready to see right away. There is a timing at work, and patience may be necessary for the one who sees first.

You may be awakened to the presence of your soul companion by a look, a dream, a memory, a feeling. You may be awakened by the touch of his hands or the kiss of her lips, and your soul is jolted back to life.

The touch that awakens may be that of your child, of a parent, of a sibling, or of a true friend. Or it may be your beloved, reaching across centuries, to kiss you once again and to remind you that you are together always, to the end of time.


The following article originally appeared in NHNE News Brief 2 (Friday, November 18, 1994).

By Robert Perry & David Sunfellow

For millennia people have pursued the mystical experience, the timeless/spaceless/imageless experience of union with God. The experience that follows is a different kind of mystical experience. It is an example of what A COURSE IN MIRACLES calls a "holy instant."

A COURSE IN MIRACLES is a modern spiritual teaching that emphasizes that we awaken from the dream of time and space primarily through releasing our judgmental view of other people. In the classical mystical experience, our union with God is usually a solitary one, often the result of intensely personal prayer and meditation. THE COURSE, on the other hand, emphasizes a holy instant with an interpersonal focus. This kind of holy instant begins with our forgiveness of another human being and then leads to an experience of uniting with our brothers, sisters and God.

What follows is a riveting account of the kind of holy instant THE COURSE describes. We believe John Hutkin's experience is especially important in two ways: First, it offers us a glimpse of a new kind of mystical experience that is based on interpersonal relationships and; Second, we believe John's experience may be a foreshadowing of what we, as a race, are presently evolving towards.


By John Hutkin

Many times as a COURSE student I have asked that I might forgive this person or situation and see it with vision. But I know somewhere in the back of my mind was my desire to have the situation changed to something more acceptable to me, as well as a desire to hold onto my concept of right and wrong.

One time I did ask to forgive with no strings attached -- it seemed like a very minor forgiveness -- and I received a "holy instant," which goes to show that the COURSE asks very little and gives so much in return. As I look back, the single key that opens all the doors is that when we ask to forgive, we must truly turn it over to the Holy Spirit without any other consideration of how it should be.

I had attended a COURSE IN MIRACLES class on Tuesday evenings for over four years. The leader and host of the group, Sally, always gave a 20-30 minute meditation at the beginning, before we read from the COURSE. I always had a problem with these meditations, for I felt that 90% of them had nothing to do with the COURSE and in many cases were embedded in what the COURSE calls "magic." I saw them for the most part as her ego trip, and as a result would really judge her.

I remember coming into class one night. It was right before the meditation was to start. I said to myself just before I came in the door, 'I am not going to judge Sally today. I'm just going to do my [COURSE Workbook] lesson.' I don't even remember what the lesson was. I do remember very vividly that I was perfectly clear in my decision not to judge Sally. Looking back, I see there have been many other times when I've said I'm not going to do this or that, but I don't remember ever being as clear about it as I was this time. It just seemed that that's what I really wanted to do. I was absolute in my intention at that moment. It didn't feel weighty, like I had to do it or had been forced into it. It was a decision that came from within.

When I sat down on the floor the lights were very low. I think there were at least six people in this room, besides myself. Sally started the meditation. I closed my eyes and repeated in my mind that I was not going to judge Sally. And I started doing the lesson. I wasn't expecting anything to occur, except that I might feel better if I weren't judging Sally today.

Almost immediately after closing my eyes I saw Sally -- the Real Sally. And I was seeing her with the Real John (that's me). Neither one of us were in the bodies that we normally would recognize. She was not in the body that I'm used to seeing her in, but I absolutely knew it was her, there was no doubt about it. The description that comes to me now is that she was an energy form that I knew to be her. At that moment I recognized I was seeing a high, pure part of Sally, I could say the Christ Self now, but I'm not sure I really thought any of those things at the time. And my sense of myself was different. I did not feel that I was in my body, but I was very conscious of my being, even more conscious than I am while in a body. It was me in a "purified," "Higher Self" version. It's interesting, I was thinking these things about Sally and myself simultaneously. I didn't really make a differentiation or comparison between us. What I recognized in her I also recognized in myself simultaneously.

The thing that struck me right away is that I felt more love/joy in being in Sally's presence than I have ever felt before. There was no other concept in my mind except love/joy/ecstasy in being in her presence. It was an experience of pure, absolute bliss in coming into contact with someone. And I know that she felt the same about me. There were no words spoken. All of this was just clear. I felt a love, a sense of love, that surpassed any concept of love that I have experienced on a conscious level. I have been in love; I've had many male/female relationships, and in looking back it was no comparison, because it was so much greater than anything that I had ever experienced. And I said, "This is love."

Not only did I meet Sally in this way, but I then started to meet another person that was present in the room in the same way. Again recognizing their individuality, but at the same time recognizing the same level of love that I had with Sally; still distinguishing individuality, but the love was the same, of the same magnitude. That didn't change, it didn't go up, it didn't go down, it just was the same. And this happened with each person that was present in the room.

At this point when I was meeting everyone in the room, I felt God. And my sense was that He was smiling on me. I say on me, because it felt like the sun when you're basking in it, when it is not too hot and just warm enough to have this wonderful warm feeling all around you. I felt I was basking in this smile. And I just was aware that it was God. It was not like the normal description of God, there was no physical aspect. It was more spherical and smiling.

This whole process was happening without any sense of time in it. It truly was timeless, eternal; there was no sequence or concept of time passing. But the weird thing that started happening immediately in meeting Sally and then the other individuals is that I was giving everything that was in me to them and I was receiving everything from them, simultaneously. There was nothing being held back. I was fully giving of myself, which I can never remember doing. I'm always feeling a sense of some holding back or some consciousness of myself and what would be appropriate or inappropriate to give. Everything at that moment was absolutely given, freely without any thought of what it was. There was no need to give it, just the absolute joy in doing it. It was just an enhancement, but there was no need. And there was no reason to withhold anything. The only thing was to give it. And I was receiving. I was totally aware that I was receiving totally their consciousness. And it was happening simultaneously. I don't know how I can explain that, other than saying that my thoughts were given and their thoughts were received at the same moment, without having to discuss them or interact or in any way comprehend. It was just happening. And again, it was pure joy.

And as we were getting closer and closer in space (if there was any space between us -- I guess I did have some sense of space), it was like a heart beating, where every beat was totally received and given at the same time. And when the whole gap between space closed we were as one and intermingling. Again there weren't physical bodies, but we were intertwined; we came together and moved through each other. And that I would have to say was a combination of laughter and orgasm, but of a much more intense level. I say orgasmic, but it was different. It's not something I really can describe. I'm just using the word to try and capture some sense of it. We were laughing hysterically, laughing in pure ecstasy, like when you're out of control laughing. You're not thinking or judging your own laughter, you're just laughing. That was going on as part of a totally relaxed course of events. And we were very appreciative of each other. There was a definite honoring of each other, an appreciation of coming into contact, but not a solemn one. It was just full of laughter and joy.

At this point, because I had this experience with these people, I remember asking myself, "Where is everyone else?" And in that thought I was aware that everyone else that I knew on this conscious level (or that I thought I knew) was present. But not only that, everyone was present, and I don't know how I knew that, but I just knew. If you had asked me is everyone in the world there, I would have said "yes." Was everyone that was ever in the world there? I would say "yes." Was there more than everyone in the world past or future there? And I would say "yes." I felt like I was in the middle and this expanded out farther than I could see. But I was perfectly aware that everyone was there. And then I remember asking, "Could I ever be alone?" And in that moment I was totally alone. Then I asked about traveling. "Could I be anywhere?" In that moment I was traveling through something. I don't know if they were planets or stars or something, but it seemed that I was crashing into things. And I had this interesting sense that I was absolutely safe. It dawned on me that you couldn't be harmed, because I wasn't. I felt my energy crashing into things and there was no consequence. I felt absolute safety. And I was realizing that everything was happening in a thought. I could be anywhere, with anyone, doing anything, in a thought.

Meanwhile, Sally's meditation had been going on. I had never even heard any of the words. But at some point very near the end of the meditation something was said that I started to hear. At that moment I felt that now we were all at the same level, that the consciousness of Sally's meditation had joined me where I was. And then I remember hearing the words that were coming out of the meditation, something about seeing water -- however those meditations end. And I started to feel my being being scrunched back into my body, which I had been completely unaware of during this entire episode. I had no sense of my body. I don't remember feeling any sensations one way or the other. I didn't even notice it. It just wasn't there. But all of a sudden I noticed it. And it felt like I was bringing my consciousness back in and was stuffing myself back into my body. And that was how it ended.

(John Hutkin is a COURSE student from St. Louis.)



By Linda O'Keefe & Lance Botthof

If we've heard it once, we've heard it a thousand times, "Why can't I be accepted just for who I am?" We all hope to feel safe in our relationships and not be judged by our partner(s), friends, family, etc. It's been said that of all the fears that people face, non-acceptance by others ranks number one. Yet we know that "self" acceptance is the foundation of true peace. Why, then, is it so difficult to achieve? Maybe it has to do with our limited definition of acceptance.

Acceptance is a process that begins with acknowledging the fact that we are all affected by the corruption of the world we live in. We were fed judgment and limitation, weaned on co-dependence and schooled in self-hatred. We were not raised to know and love ourselves, quite the opposite. So our lives stretch before us as an uncertain discovery of who we really are, both spiritually and emotionally. We can do our best to avoid the destructive presence of fear and pain that abides in us, or we can view our relationships and our external world as institutions of higher learning that can teach us about the wholeness of ourselves. Initial acceptance must be of the fact that we do not know ourselves and that our lives are a quest for that knowledge. With this in mind, let's talk about what happens when we do not accept this fact.

Most of us learn at an early age to judge and deny those parts of ourselves that we've been told are unacceptable. Over the years we learn to project these "unacceptable" aspects of ourselves onto others, and then fine-tune this skill to the point that we don't realize we're doing it anymore. Judgment of others is merely self-judgment turned outwards. Once we realize this, we can see that the judgment we feel from others is really their self-judgment projected outward. This knowledge is not as valuable if used to gain complete detachment from the judgment of others. Instead, we can use those judgments that trigger us emotionally to gain understanding of where we are not accepting of ourselves. This is the true work of intimate relationships--the continuing challenge to see our own stuck points.

Those of us working toward higher consciousness may also protect ourselves from self-judgment through a pattern of "over-understanding" others. In our quest to be unconditional lovers, we miss expressing our own hurts because we rationalize others' behavior. Understanding why people act as they do is helpful, but it can also serve to keep us out of our own real hurts, angers or fears that lay dormant underneath. Intimacy requires that we share our hurts with each other so that we can learn from them. This is the way we work through to the other side of our emotional stuck points, to acknowledge and release them. It takes a lot of courage to remain open enough to accept those parts of ourselves that are hard to look at.


Linda and Lance together have nearly 20 years of personal recovery and counseling experience. Their marriage partnership is founded in a deep commitment to continued personal growth. They seek to share their inspiration with others interested in discovering the power of relationships. Their site on the World Wide Web (http://www.sedona.net/nen/options) is dedicated to empowering others towards this end. Included therein, is information on a "Relationship Help Line", designed to help callers with relationship concerns and "Life Shift", a two to four day personal and spiritual growth intensive held in Sedona, Arizona. Linda and Lance can be reached at the following:

Options For Growth
P.O. Box 65145
Tucson, Arizona 85728-5145
(520) 615-1449
eMail: options@rtd.com


By Dottie Titus

"To explore the underlying interaction and the various effects of a relationship where both people's difficulties are laid bare and accepted is by no means easy. But nothing can be more beautiful and rewarding. Anyone who comes into the state of enlightenment where this is possible will no longer fear any kind of interaction. Difficulties and fears arise to the exact degree that you still project on others your own problems in relating and still render others responsible for anything that goes against your liking. This can take many subtle forms. You may constantly concentrate on the faults of others, because at first glance such concentration appears justified to you. You may subtly overemphasize one side of an interaction, or exclude another. Such distortions indicate projection and denial of self-responsibility for the difficulties in relating. This denial fosters dependency on the perfection of the other party, which in turn creates fear and hostility for feeling let down when the other does not measure up to the perfect standard." (Pathwork Lecture #180, "The Spiritual Significance of Relationships")

In Pathwork Lecture #180, the Guide tells us that relationships have great spiritual significance. They are the arena where our deepest fears and longings arise. They are where we can achieve the greatest learning and healing. All that is required is total honesty and self-responsibility. Most of us have to work pretty hard to get to that place. When we see a fault in ourselves, we want to hide it from our partner or mate, afraid that they will think less of us. Thus we begin to try to present an "ideal" face to our partner. We believe that if we are good enough, then we will earn love from him/her. Instead, we begin a deadly spiral that ultimately leads to disillusionment and unhappiness. First, our partner knows we are not perfect, so pretending to be brings dishonesty into the relationship. In order to protect our idealized self-image of perfection, we must blame our partner for anything that is wrong in the relationship. This begins the projection the Guide talks about. As we lay the blame at our partner's door, we make them feel unworthy. To fight against this, they project blame back at us. And so we get locked into a destructive pattern of trying to prove how "bad" the other person is rather than acknowledge our own faults.

The way out is honesty and self-responsibility. It takes courage to say, "I am angry and I want to hurt you." But that is much more healthy than saying "You are such a jerk! You're worthless!" One of the keys to making the change to self-responsibility is to drop the "you" statements ("You are a bitch!" "You make me crazy!") and begin using "I" statements ("I am angry." "When you said that, I felt hurt.").

Here's an example of how this worked for me this week: I am currently scheduled to teach in our Pathwork Program this fall with a senior teacher (let's call him Joe for now). Joe and I seemed to have one fight after another in the office this week. He kept making exaggerated statements that were obviously false, and I kept reacting. We were stuck in this pattern. Finally, I begin to look at what my contribution to the situation was. I felt hurt by several things he had said, but I wasn't clear on why I was reacting so strongly. Finally, I began to realize that I was terrified about this first teaching job. As I looked deeper, I realized that part of my fear is that I will just sit back and let him do all the teaching. My longing is to be a partner with him, to work as an equal, offering what I can to go with his more experienced offering. But my fear could paralyze me into being very passive. To fight against my fear, I felt a strong need to establish my right to be his equal. And I was doing this by fighting with him. I was trying to prove to myself that I would not collapse in the teaching situation by not "collapsing" in our discussions.

The lesson here, based on what the Guide says, is that as long as I concentrated on what he was doing (which had an element of lower self in it), we were both stuck. I was hooked into arguing, and he, for whatever reasons of his own, was arguing back. It wasn't until I could get myself unhooked and look at my own faults and contributions that things began to get better. Once I understood why I was acting as I was, I could go to him and tell him how scared I was at the idea of teaching with him and admit that the reason I kept arguing with him was because I was afraid I would just take a backseat and let him do all the teaching in the fall. I was giving in to a desire to "stand up" to him, to prove that I would be a worthy partner in our teaching venture. Once I admitted that to him, all tension between us ended, and we were able to connect at a much deeper and real level.

So, when you are hooked into an argument, regardless of how wrong the other person might be, see if you can unhook by looking at what you are doing and trying to see why. It's amazing how healing this can be.


Dottie Titus is a Pathwork Counselor with the Sevenoaks Pathwork Center in Virginia. Dottie has completed the five-year Pathwork Transformation Program and the four-year Pathwork Helper training program at Sevenoaks. She also facilitates the NHNE Pathwork Circle Mailing List. If you would like to join the NHNE Pathwork Circle Mailing List, which has been created to discuss and apply the material contained in the Pathwork Lectures, send a letter to "nhne@nhne.com" and write "pathworkcircle" in the SUBJECT field of your letter.

If you would like to find out more about Eva Pierrakos and the Pathwork lectures, an NHNE Special Report on the subject is available in the database section of the NHNE web site: http://www.sedona.net/nen/nhne/pathwork.html The Pathwork New York Region also has a Web site at: http://www.pathwork.org

eMail: DottieT@aol.com



The mission of NewHeavenNewEarth (NHNE) is to answer humankind's oldest, most perplexing questions: Who are we? Where are we from? What is the origin and purpose of life? Instead of relying on ancient or contemporary wisdom, or the knowledge of isolated experts, we are building a global network of seekers from all walks of life, from all parts of the world, lay people and professionals alike, that can pool talents, experience, and resources to unravel life's great mysteries.

We also believe that our planet is passing through a time of profound change and are seeking to create a global community of like-minded people that can safely pass through whatever changes may come our way and help give birth to a new way of life on our planet.


NewHeavenNewEarth (NHNE)
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P.O. Box 2242
Sedona, AZ USA 86339

eMail: nhne@nhne.com
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